woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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