His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
