Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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