when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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