Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
