i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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