If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
