She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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