i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
