I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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