I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.