I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drake has all the answers
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?