Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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