break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night