my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you