i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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