i need an iv and a liver transplant
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize