how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
