It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
