I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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