Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
