Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
