U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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