Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
