I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
