video games are the ultimate cock blocker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize