No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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