I think my vagina is haunted
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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