I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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