yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
