Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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