I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
