i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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