He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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