thus making me awesome and them whores
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
