my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
