and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
