When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize