Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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