I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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