but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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