My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
