well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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