I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
