He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
