The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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