Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
