She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
