btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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