just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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