is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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