Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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