Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
