I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
