She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
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