The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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