do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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