I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
