YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
