I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
