Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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