Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
farters have to be the big spoon...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
