At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
