please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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