Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
