Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
