i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
